


I can't stop thinking about you

by thesongofdarkness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Past Relationship(s), Possibly Unrequited Love, Season/Series 01, Stanford Era, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for when Sam left Dean for Stanford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't stop thinking about you

I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to face the day.  
I don't want to face another morning, another day without you.  
I don't want to face the truth. I don’t want to continue.  
I don’t want to say your name. I don’t want to realize the truth.   
I can’t handle it. I can’t. I can’t look at the space where you used to be. I can’t look at the places we used to go. I can’t stop think about the things you used to do. I can’t stop thinking about all the things we were supposed to do. I can’t stop thinking about you; I can’t stop looking after you. I can’t stop waiting for you to return. I can’t stop waking up with your name on my lips. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget about you, I don’t want to forget how you looked like, how your voice sounded.  
But I want to stop waking up like this. I don’t want to wake up to another day just like the rest. I don’t want to dread the morning, the light. I don’t want to keep wishing that I was still asleep. I don’t want to keep doing this. I don’t want to keep waiting for something impossible to happen. I don’t want to keep waiting for you to come back to me.   
I don’t want to keep being alone. I don’t want to be so lonely; I don’t want to be sad.  
I want to stop having this ache deep inside of me.  
I want to stop feeling so broken, so left out.  
I want to stop thinking about this, I want to talk about it, but at the same time I don’t.   
But I want to know. I want to know if you still think about me, I want to know if you are still the same, I want to know if you feel it to, the longing, the sadness.  
I want to look for you, to search you out and demand an answer.  
I want to scream at you and hold you tight. I want to hurt you the same way you hurt me.   
I want to protect you and just hold you in my arms again.   
I want to ask you if it were worth it, leaving me, starting another life, destroying our family.  
Was it really worth it?  
Was a moment of happiness worth dooming both of us for an eternity of loneliness?  
I want to be given an explanation, I want to get you to talk.   
I want to drink in the sigh of you. I want to kiss you.  
I want to ask you why you left me.  
I don’t want to continue doing this. I don’t want to do this alone. I don’t want to pretend like I am better off alone, I don’t want to pretend like I am okay. I don’t want to pretend like I just doesn’t want to get you in the car and drive. I don’t want to pretend like I can’t stop thing about you.   
I want to smile again; I want to hear your laughter. I don’t want to feel like something isn’t right. I want your touch, I want your kiss, I want your apologize. I want your time, I want you. I want you to come back into my life; I want you to love me again. I want you to come back to me and never leave. I want you but I know that I can’t have you, not yet at least.


End file.
